Process of Self Work

The process of self-work is deceptively simple and surprisingly difficult at the same time. Its messy and non-linear and makes you lean into discomfort. Everything we have been taught to avoid, numb, deny and not think or talk about emerges as we start looking deeper.

Messy as it is, this effort yields many treasures. Moments sometimes days spent in a sense of gratitude and clarity and attunement, unbridled joy and self-acceptance and a sense of fulfillment. 

You start vibrating differently. Others notice this difference. Your body seems lighter somehow your back straighter and your vision clearer.

And then slowly this starts fading. Old behaviours re-emerge. Your old neural networks under the threat of being razed start firing stronger. Your rage and resentment about all past injustices flare up. You feel disconnected, separate, unloved and self-doubt fills you. Everything and everyone is a trigger. 

And then, from the walls of this maze of pain a faint echo of a recent memory ricochets. It reminds you there is another way. You have just experienced it. There is another choice, you had just made it. The walls of the maze flicker and disappear. Did they really exist? It seemed so real. But it was just a hologram of your mind and ego. And you see that you always had the power, you always had the choice- you always will…

Till you decide not to choose and play the game and invite a little drama back into your life.

And that is ok too…

Over time the intensity, frequency and duration of reverting to old patterns of behaviour that keep you trapped in pain reduce. And then, you notice that the ones you perceived to cause your misery have dropped out of your life- having fulfilled their role. How wonderful! What gratitude you feel for these blessed people who showed you what you needed to remember.

And the game continues! How delicious! How wonderful!