We are at the end of Pitru Paksha or the fortnight of the ancestors. It
is a time for remembrance of departed family members. (usually three
generations before your own). To pay respect to their memories, actions and to
wish them ‘gati’ or speed in their spiritual progress post death. Prayers for
them include asking them to break their attachments to family and earthly
desires. This lasts an entire lunar cycle- from full moon to the new moon.
I have spent the past two weeks thinking about those who came before me
in my family, town, country and the world. A pandemic is especially conducive
for such reflections. Part of the contemplation was gratitude for all that they
have done for me. The knowledge of generations, the toil and effort of those
who came before me to enable me to have this life. The abilities and frailties
that I inherited through them. Part of the reflection was on my own mortality.
A memory that kept surfacing was of circumambulating my father’s pyre with
a heavy earthen pot full of water on my shoulder. A hole was drilled in the
earthen pot and with each step the pot got lighter. In the haze of that day and
shock and grief my enduring memory was of the sloshing sound of the water and
the cold down my spine as my back got progressively wetter and finally, I was
asked to let the earthen pot fall behind my back and shatter. This was
incredibly disturbing. It was dramatic but meant to shake me out of disbelief and
denial of death. The significance of the earthen pot shattering symbolises the
end of the frail physical body of the departed. Soon after that he was
cremated. We took his ashes and spread them in the river. An entire lifetime
reduced to ashes at the bottom of a riverbed.
“I feel the nights stretching away
thousands long behind the days
till they reach the darkness where
all of me is ancestor.”
-Annie Finch
Pitru Paksh is the time for gratitude but also an opportunity to
contemplate our own mortality. To think about how our lives impact generations
after us. How our actions live on, though our bodies don’t.
As a psychotherapist, I am privy to the ‘karmas’ or aftermath of
dysfunctional patterns handed down through the generations. An unhappy
grandmother’s careless words, a grand Uncle’s cruelty, a mother’s love, a
father’s jealousy towards his sibling an aunt’s sacrifice for her niece all
impact directly or subtly the subsequent generations. Beyond interpersonal and
personality-based issues research shows that trans-generational impacts of poverty,
partition, famine, war, suicides, loss transmit epi-genetically.
Often the patterns repeat with astonishing predictability within a
family. When I work with couples this is even more apparent. Conflicts between
the spouses is a clash of two unique types of familial patterns (or karmas) that
combine over a period of time to present to their children a blended hi-breed
of dysfunction as well as positive impacts. Each subsequent generation adds
their own strands to this tapestry. And so on.
As they say, one generation plants the trees the next generation gets
the shade. Sometimes no trees are planted or the trees don’t grow tall enough
to provide shade…
True Meaning of Pitr
The word Pitr merits some examination. In the general sense Pitr means
father who gave his energy in the form of semen to the mother to create a
physical body. So, all fathers,
grandfathers, great grandfathers are considered pitr. All the way to the first father.
But who was he? Prana or life force itself was the first Pitr according to the
Prasna Upnisad. “Prana is the first ahuti (oblation/sacrifice) for Pitr”
the text states. Without the life force or energy nothing can exist. Hence, the
first offering or oblation is Prana. The original Pitr or ancestor was the life
force offering to a mass of matter. Hence, Life force or Prana is the original
Pitr or ancestor. And since there is life force in all of us, we are our own
ancestors in a way! (Prasna Upanisad Sa Bha II VII)
“Rituals are the
formulas by which harmony is restored.”
-Terry Tempest
Williams
The word Shraaddha signifies an act of faith. I had none while I did
these monthly rituals after my father’s death. I had faith in my mother though
and her expertise (she is a Sanskrit scholar, manuscriptologist who did her PhD
in death rituals!). She had out-argued the priest who frowned on a daughter
doing cremation and subsequent Shraaddhas, both rituals traditionally reserved
for men. So, each month under his watchful eye, I carried out the Shraaddha. I was
encouraged to dwell on my emotions and relationship with my father and all departed
elders in his family- grandparents, aunts, uncles, nephews. There was something
comforting about creating that space to remember him. It helped me to process
his death. But most importantly it helped me to see the patterns of dysfunction
and strength that I had inherited from him and my paternal lineage.
My Mom maintains that death rituals have a very real function for the
living (and not just the departed soul, depending on your beliefs). They are created
to provide social support, grieving opportunities and as a way to bring
closure.
All inner work is Shraaddha- Symbology of Pinda
The Shraaddha ritual requires the
offering of rice balls called pindas made of rice, milk and ghee. A pinda is
the symbol of a mass or seed of potency with all its faculties, karmas,
knowledge and desires and memories ready to manifest. Similar to the soul ready
to manifest in another body and lifetime after death. It’s a way for us to
repay our genetic (and epigenetic) debt to our ancestors. Incidentally this
ritual is also conducted during garbhadhana the first samskara before
conception, where the bride is offered a rice ball too but here it is called
Caru. The symbology is the same. The rice ball represents potential for lifeforce
to animate a mass of matter that would be brought into the world through the
bride into this particular lineage.
Psychologically, the pinda represents a bundle of entangled tendencies,
pain, insecurities, joys, family legends and beliefs and other aspects of
identity handed to us over generations. It is a gift because if we are our own
ancestors, the life force or Pitrs have gifted us these karmas or patterns to
help us grow and become self-actualized.
When we sift through our own life experiences and begin the work of
undoing the impact of generations of dysfunction and trauma, we are essentially
doing Shraaddha.
We are placing faith in our therapist, healer, elder, shaman, Guru or
whoever to help us realise our own innate potential. And over time we learn to
have faith in our own ability to do the Shraaddha for our attachments,
tendencies and ignorance. In his autobiography Jung states, “Thus, we remain ignorant
of whether our ancestral components find an elementary gratification in our
lives, or whether they are repelled. Inner peace and contentment depend in
large measure upon whether or not the historical family which is inherent in
the individual can be harmonized with the ephemeral conditions of the present. (Memories
Dreams and Reflections; Page 237). Further he points out that , “Psychologically this
means that the souls of the ancestors (potential factors, qualities, talents,
possibilities, and so on, which we have inherited from all the lines of our
ancestry) are waiting in the unconscious, and are ready at any time to begin a
new growth. (ETH, Alchemy).
This year has been a year of Shraaddha for many of us who have bravely
embarked on the journey of processing the collective family karmas or
tendencies that we carry within us. It is also a time to look at our karmas at
the planetary level by looking at Earth as a giant pind of possibilities. I continue
to meditate deeply on my genetic and species forebearers and hope that as each
one of us carry out our inner shraadha we gain peace and clarity as the human race.
References:
Science of Last Rites- An Insightful Journey into the World of Spirit-
Dr. Mita Shah
Memories
Dreams and Reflections- C G Jung
Carl Jung,
ETH, Alchemy, Page 230
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