The process of self-work is deceptively simple and
surprisingly difficult at the same time. Its messy and non-linear and makes you
lean into discomfort. Everything we have been taught to avoid, numb, deny and
not think or talk about emerges as we start looking deeper.
Messy as it is, this effort yields many treasures. Moments sometimes days spent
in a sense of gratitude and clarity and attunement, unbridled joy and self-acceptance and a sense of fulfillment.
You start vibrating differently. Others notice
this difference. Your body seems lighter somehow your back straighter and your
vision clearer.
And then slowly this starts fading. Old behaviours
re-emerge. Your old neural networks under the threat of being razed start
firing stronger. Your rage and resentment about all past injustices flare up.
You feel disconnected, separate, unloved and self-doubt fills you. Everything and everyone is a trigger.
And then, from the walls of this maze of pain a faint echo of
a recent memory ricochets. It reminds you there is another way. You have just
experienced it. There is another choice, you had just made it. The walls of the
maze flicker and disappear. Did they really exist? It seemed so real. But it was
just a hologram of your mind and ego. And you see that you always had the
power, you always had the choice- you always will…
Till you decide not to choose and play the game and invite a
little drama back into your life.
And that is ok too…
Over time the intensity, frequency and duration of reverting
to old patterns of behaviour that keep you trapped in pain reduce. And then,
you notice that the ones you perceived to cause your misery have dropped out of
your life- having fulfilled their role. How wonderful! What gratitude you feel
for these blessed people who showed you what you needed to remember.
And the game continues! How delicious! How wonderful!
