Catch Them Doing Something Right!

While roleplaying an appraisal scenario, a senior manager questioned the need to give detailed feedback. His exact words were, “The percentage (in terms of appraisal) is already decided beforehand. What’s the point in hashing it out and having a long conversation with the employee? I wrap up my appraisals in 5 minutes.”

This gentleman had complained of high attrition in his team at the start of the workshop and articulated his expectations of learning a fool proof way of curbing this trend!

One way of engaging team members is by giving timely positive feedback. Interestingly when I start talking about giving positive feedback and appreciation I find a lot of resistance. In principle, everyone agrees that giving ‘praise’ and ‘appreciation’ is important. I find however during role plays people want to but are either immensely ill equipped to give positive reinforcement or are simply not very comfortable giving any of it.

Everyone agrees that it feels great to receive appreciation. They also agree that giving genuine appreciation feels good. But no one seems to know why such a crucial interpersonal behaviour that is pleasurable for both parties involved is practiced so little?  

Here are some possible beliefs that might make managers hesitate to give verbal recognition

1.       Praise leads to complacency

2.       I am too busy

3.       I just don’t know what to say

4.       Other team members might get jealous

In my early years, I had a manger who was often critical of my mistakes but he was just as generous when I did something right. He never held back his appreciation telling me exactly what I did well. He would sometimes also pass on credit for work he had done and I had only supported, to me. So while his criticism would be harsh and painful to hear, I didn’t live in fear of making mistakes. Instead I tried my best to earn his praise so while I tried to rectify my weaknesses I also strengthened my strengths. I lived to achieve and get better not in trying to hide my flaws from him. It made me take more risks and think out of the box.  That’s what praise and recognition does to a team member.

Far from creating complacency or jealousy, specific, timely and fair appreciation creates a positive atmosphere. It also becomes easier for the team members to recognize the competencies and behaviours that are important for the manager and shows them that the manager is observing their actions.

Kenneth Blanchard and Spencer Johnson’s One Minute Manager outlines a few steps for giving one minute praise! My favourite line from the book is, “….catch them doing something right!”

Here are the steps

1. Tell people that you will be giving them feedback
2. Praise people immediately
3. Tell them what they are doing right-immediately.
4. Tell people how good you feel about what they did right and how it helps the Organizations/Team members.
5. Encourage them to do more of the same.

So simple! It’s not enough to just think that someone’s done a good job, say it to them. Often! 

Happy Women's Day and Other Such Sexist BS!

Since morning I have received multiple "Happy Women's Day" messages. 

I cringe every year when I see these messages. It is sexist to have this day in the first place and absolutely ignorant to perpetuate this ridiculousness.  

Please stop wishing me Happy Women's day. The fact that we need to have such a day says a lot. Every day is men's day. I don't want one measly day.

I want basic human rights such as not fearing for my safety, access to public toilets and some respect. Oh and not being killed in the womb or have acid thrown at me will be nice too.

I want equal pay and no glass ceiling. I want molesters and rapists to live in fear and not the victims.

I want the right to decide when and how many children to have and if I don’t want any not be judged for it. I AM MORE THAN MY REPRODUCTIVE CAPABILITY.

I want to decide what to wear instead of being hidden away under burkhas and ghunghats.

I want to claim the night and roam as I please without perpetually looking over my shoulder.

I want to run without feeling self-conscious about how men are looking at my breasts.

I want to be as free as men.

When that happens, we won’t have a need to celebrate this day anymore.

When this happens half of humanity will truly be happy. Sorry Womanity!

The Essence of Facilitation

The Essence of Facilitation

Standing at the door of an empty conference room,

I love the thought of what might unfold.

The surge of energy that is about to pulse,

The promise of deep connection that it holds.

As we explore together and learn,

And laugh and dissect our collective experiences.

Those who were strangers once transform,

And we start looking beyond appearances.

Nothing is more important than the will to change,

To pause and take stock of how far we have come.

To stumble and learn from each other,

And realize that the whole is greater than the part of its sum. 

When Coaching Fails...

In Buddhism, there is a parable of the eye-begging Brahman. The story goes that in a past life, when Shariputra, one of Shakyamuni Buddha's ten major disciples, was engaged in bodhisattva practices such as selflessly serving the needs of others, he met a Brahman who asked for his eye. Shariputra offered his whole body to the Brahman, but the Brahman insisted only on Shariputra’s own eye. Shariputra joyfully complied with this extreme request.

Shariputra was aghast at what happened next. Not only did the Brahman fail to thank him but he threw the eye on the ground and stamped on it, claiming to be disgusted by its smell. Appalled, Shariputra decided that leading such people as this Brahman to salvation was beyond him; as a result he abandoned the practice he had pursued for so long and concentrated only on his own nirvana.

Some quick lessons here for all of us in the helping profession:

1. Sometimes a coach can feel like Shariputra, thinking “what’s the point?” And that is normal. But unlike him when our help is rejected and we feel disillusioned, that’s the time to dig in deeper and stick to your beliefs. That’s the time to realize that the client might still need coaching but is simply not ready for it in his life right now.
2. This story reminded me about the dangers of entering into a helping relationship with someone who is not ready to receive input. Coaching readiness is a function of a coachees' desire to change and their degree of openness. Without this no amount of interventions can work. Sometimes you are able to turn around a reluctant coachee and create commitment. Sometimes you can’t. After a while you can tell the difference between those you can help and those you can't.
3. And finally, it’s also the time to introspect about our own ego attachments regarding client outcomes. Maintaining equanimity is crucial in such situations. Change is a slow, drawn out and a process laden with discomfort. A coach’s persistence and commitment is crucial but sometimes things might be beyond your control. It’s ok!  

The Road Less Traveled...

Over the last few years I have had many facilitators seek me out while contemplating going solo. Striking out on your own without the support of an Organization is surprisingly easy given the nature of the industry. If you really think about it, the facilitator is the product. He/she co creates and facilitates the learning experience. A training Organization is only as good as its facilitators. You don’t need formal office space, you can work from home, you can put up a website fairly easily nowadays and if you are good, work will be plenty.

If you are thinking of doing something on your own, there are typically two routes.

1.     Start a consultancy- This would involve having a registered company, name, logo the whole nine yards. If you have a likeminded colleague you can start something in partnership. That way you have support and two heads are usually better than one.

2.    Freelance- I prefer the word Independent Consultant better, but you get the gist. Here you are on your own and ‘free’ to offer you services to whomever you choose. You could be representing yourself with one client and another training Organization with another.

I have taken both routes and recognized that I work best on my own, in an independent Learning and Development Professional capacity.  I have close friends who are successfully running training consultancies in partnership or on their own. It’s important to figure out which way you want to go. If you decide to go independent here are some things to consider:

1.       Are you self-motivated? There is no boss to count your training man days, and as one person your reach is significantly smaller than that of an Organization’s. You need to really push yourself to go out there, network and get quality work. This is especially true in the first year.

2.       Are you a Monopreneur? A monopreneur is a one man army who manages all aspects of business single handedly. Are you driven enough to develop business, customize and sometimes create content, facilitate, do a post training eval, invoice the client and follow up for payment with multiple clients?

3.       Do you think better in a team setting? Being independent means no colleagues to bounce ideas off. If you are the kind of person who likes to discuss and pick others brains while ideating going solo may be a lonely experience for you. Over the years, I have created a network of other Monopreneurs and trusted professional with whom I often collaborate and share ideas with.

4.       Is a steady cash flow imperative? Everyone has different financial needs. If you need a fixed steady cash flow then have enough saved up to see you through atleast the first year. On time payment is one of the biggest issues in a free lancer’s world. A way out is to ensure that you have some retainership arrangements with clients that guarantee work every month.

5.       Learn, Learn, Learn: Have you seen beauty queens answer the Q n A round during pageants? No matter what the question the answer is always either ‘Mother Teresa’ or ‘World Peace’.  I know facilitators like that, no matter what the learning gap; they deliver the same content in slightly different ways. When you are on your own, you can either create a niche, and only facilitate in those areas or you can upgrade your skills. Don’t get left behind. It is crucial to upgrade your skills frequently. Every year I put aside an amount to get some kind of certification under my belt. This will ensure that you have something different to offer your clients and you don’t get bored either.

6.       Networking is key: More people you reach out to, more the likelihood of business coming your way. Networking can be done during formal events such conferences and seminars or even on social media. Linked In has been my favourite go to for creating professional relationships and seeking out potential contacts. Another way is to network with other freelance facilitators. It’s a small industry and there is plenty of work for everyone. I routinely pass on work to many colleagues, when I don’t have dates available with me or when the learning topic is not my expertise. Often, not always the favour is returned. You also earn the clients good will. And I strongly believe that goodwill is key for long term, mutually beneficial work and professional relationships

7.       Take the bad experiences in your stride: There will be some bad eggs out there who might take advantage. You might have to chase payments for months or sometimes not get any. You might realise that a training Organization you represent at a client’s has not done their needs analysis appropriately and you might have to facilitate something different on the fly. You might not get work sometimes or be overwhelmed by too much work. Learn from these experiences. Create a network of trusted clients that are consistent with payment. Drop the unreliable one’s even if they offer a lot of work.

8.       Learn to say no. Sometimes clients might ask you do something that you might believe is wrong for them. Stand up to them. Your experience and expertise is what they seek, even if they don’t know it at the time. Refuse work if you don’t think you are the best person for it. Integrity is appreciated because it is not expected often, especially in consultants…

9.       Have an elevator pitch ready: Learn to market yourself. Create a powerful brief profile, no longer than a page, and then create an elevator pitch for yourself basis that profile. For that you need to figure out your niche. A good facilitator can facilitate anything, but what are you really good at and passionate about? What really gets me excited is any kind inter-personal work. I love helping people manage personal and professional relationships. So I always position myself in that light.

      An Independent professional’s world is full of adventure and everyday is a new challenge. Its not an easy journey but it’s a journey that’s worth undertaking. At the end of the day, you work for yourself, choose the assignments that excite you and make more money than you did as a salaried professional. You can also strike the right work life balance and improve the quality of your life dramatically. I love this path. I hope and wish that should you choose to take this road less travelled you find all the success and happiness. 

If emotions are infectious, then you want to catch his cold!

Emotional Intelligence (EI) as articulated by Goleman spiked great interest in the concept. Suddenly it was cool to talk about emotions at the work place. 

As someone with scientific and personal interest with EI, I found the model difficult to understand. Peers in the LnD community who also facilitate EI sessions agreed and we have had many discussions around how someone can do 'anything' under the guise of EI. The sheer number of competencies included in the EI framework can be overwhelming:

Self Awareness: 

• Emotional self-awareness 

• Accurate self-assessment 

• Self-confidence 

Self Management: 

• Self-control 

• Trustworthiness 

• Conscientiousness 

• Adaptability 

• Achievement orientation 

• Initiative 

Social Awareness 

• Empathy 

• Organisational Awareness 

• Service Orientation 

Social skills 

• Influence 

• Leadership 

• Developing Others 

• Communication 

• Change Catalyst 

• Conflict Management 

• Building Bonds 

• Teamwork and Collaboration 

The competencies mentioned reads like a checklist of every desirable trait in a person, a super human who I doubt exists. The list when shared with managers geared to become more ‘emotionally intelligent’ really has an intimidating effect.

I understood early on that while Goleman’s work had really helped all of us in making the business case for creating more emotionally aware employees, his model was not the easiest to understand.

I have created my version of EI based on the work of Albert Ellis and his very powerful psychotherapy framework. Ellis’s Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy helps us to examine our basic beliefs and resultant emotions and provides practical tools to dispute irrational beliefs that lead to negative emotions. I do draw on Goleman’s work especially his synthesis of so much psycho-neurological research.

Recently I came across the work of Shirzad Chamine from Stanford. He talks about Positive Intelligence and has simplified Goleman’s model beautifully. Here’s his TED talk about his work. Sincere, passionate communication of positive emotions is rare among academics, but Shirzad manages to do just that. If emotions are infectious, then you want to catch his cold!

PS: I encourage you to visit his website and take this free assessment here:http://positiveintelligence.com/assessments/